Countless times, I’ve thanked a volunteer by saying some version of this:
“Thank you for everything you do. I don’t know what we’d do without you!”
What’s so bad about that?
Framing the gratitude this way can generate mixed feelings for the recipient, because it draws attention to the belief that there would be no good alternative if the volunteer chose to discontinue their service.
In other words, this wording runs the risk of reframing the effort from one the volunteer chooses to do, because it gives them feelings such as joy or pride, into an obligation they are trapped within.
But that’s not what I meant!
I know first-hand that I’ve said this without any bad intentions. I thought it would highlight how much value the person brings. And I assumed it was a safe phrasing, because I’ve heard others say it many times before.
I hope that anyone who experienced mixed feelings upon hearing this from me knew that I meant it with the best intentions. And when I hear praise like this, I always assume the speaker has the best of intentions.
What’s it like to be a volunteer?
What I’ve learned is that sometimes a volunteer takes on a commitment as a probational experiment. The person may, for example, decide to give it six months. Upon the end of six months, they decide that they will re-evaluate whether they want to continue.
I believe it’s best to always assume that a volunteer may be within a “trial run” period.
It’s also possible that the volunteer’s life circumstances have changed between the time they started helping and today. Life is unpredictable, and sometimes changes can compel us to re-evaluate our commitments. We can never know what’s going on behind the curtain. It’s best to make no assumptions.
So what’s the better way?
If you want to thank a volunteer (and you totally should!), focus on thanking them for something they’ve already completed.
So, instead of this:
“Thank you for watching my kids every week so I can go grocery shopping.”
Try this:
“Thank you for watching my kids today so I could go grocery shopping.”
Feedback?
I’m just figuring this out. Do you have thoughts about this that would help me understand it better? Please let me know what you think at @russshanahan on Twitter.